Word count:2847
hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this video we're going to talk about emotional intelligence alright so emotional intelligence why is it important well first before we even get into that let's say emotional intelligence is also defined as EQ kind of like you have IQ which is your intelligence quotients well here you also have EQ which is your emotional quotient so I'll be saying interchangeably emotional intelligence sometimes other times I'll be saying e Q to be compared to IQ alright so why is EQ important well what they've actually discovered after doing lots of research in the last really thirty years they've had so much research about what creates performance and success in business and in careers and what they really found is that people who are successful the number one factor is not IQ it's not intelligence the number one factor is EQ it's emotional intelligence it's your ability to work with emotions that is what's critical they've done so many studies in colleges and universities and in corporations across the country in the world that really document this and demonstrate this you think we would kind of commonly think that well if somebody is smart if they have a high IQ then that person can get a lot of stuff done and sometimes we even say that well he's so smart he's got he's got like a really sharp mind he's able to get stuff done that's not actually very true people that are extremely smart technically speaking on the IQ scale if they have a very high IQ actually they tend to not produce that much they tend to be not that successful when your IQ gets like above 150 it does actually be counterproductive because you're so much in your head all the time and you lose touch with the emotions and the emotions are what really create success in life because life is about relationships life is about being able to be in relationship with others and it's also understanding yourself and being able to control and manage your own emotions so if you can do that if you can develop strong emotional intelligence then you are going to be successful and your relationships are going to be more successful you're going to be happier there you're just going to be happier alone by yourself naturally you're going to have better control you're going to be able to do things you're going to be able to execute on the things you want to execute on because you're gonna have the discipline in the wheel power and you're not going to have those super high highs and those super slow lows in life you're going to have a more even keeled trajectory through life and that tends to be what produces success and high performance so that's ultimately why you should be interested in EQ now EQ we should clarify what it is and what it's not let's start by what it's not a lot of people will assume that EQ talks about sociability and what emotional intelligence means is that you're extroverted and that you're confident and that you're a people person and you're very gregarious right we know those types of people that's the cliche extrovert well that's not what emotional intelligence is about emotional intelligence in fact is something that dovetails very nicely with introverts so for example I'm a very strong introvert but I also have a high emotional intelligence and this is something that actually measured through tests so I got I got tested for this and you know you can take assessments online and in both other places so the two are not opposed at all and the two are not synonymous being sociable and being emotionally intelligent is not necessarily synonymous so what is emotional intelligence said let's really define it let's break into it so here's the definition that I got from a book called emotional intelligence 2.0 which I highly recommend you check out because they've got a very in-depth explanation with lots of examples and then they give you assessment so you can actually assess yourself and get scores which is which is nice so it's not subjective it becomes very tangible so definition of emotional intelligence is and I'm reading this off the ability to recognize and understand your emotions in yourself and in others and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and your relationships so that is e Q in a nutshell now there's really four pillars I'm calling them four pillars of emotional intelligence and they were part of that definition if you notice pillar number one is your ability to understand your own emotions being able to label your emotions and just recognizing what you have and having a broader range of emotions so having more awareness there that's pillar number one pillar number two is your ability to control your emotions because it's one thing to just know your emotions what you're feeling label it it's a totally another matter to be able to manage it to be able to discipline yourself control yourself so you're not having those those crashes and you're not having those ecstatic Peaks but you're somewhere in the middle and you're even keeled that's controlling your emotions pillar number two P low number three is your ability to read emotions and other people you might call this empathy it's your ability to understand what other people are experiencing and feeling being able to relate to that using your mirror neurons you're relating to that and you're understanding their point of view it's really the ability to step into somebody else's shoes and look at life or a situation from their perspective that's pillar number three and pillar number four is your ability to then manage your relationships so how smooth are your relationships going for you how well are you communicating and interacting within them that is also determined by your EQ so EQ consists of all these four pillars and actually in that book emotional intelligence 2.0 I took tests and I got tested I got I got a score for each one of those pillars so you might be stronger and you probably are definitely stronger in some of these four than you are in others so maybe for example you are really good at controlling your emotions but you're not so good about managing your social relationships or maybe your you're really good at identifying your emotions but then you can't really control them and so you know you're experiencing you can label it you're self-aware you're very conscious but then you're just struggling to actually then practically manage that and channel it into your work or the habits that you're trying to instill in your life like you're working on your diet or your gym so you know you can have different levels and of course the idea is that the higher you are in each one of these the better because you want all of them maxed out ideally the more intelligent intelligence you have the better you're going to do in life the happier you're going to be so you want them to be maximally at 100 each one at 100 all right so those are the four pillars I'm sure you have a deeper understanding of what EQ is let's also talk about how this actually relates to some of the stuff that happens in our life because it might still be a little bit abstract at this point it might be a little bit unclear as to how EQ can really help you and how it impacts you already because it's already impacting what's happening in your life in fact if you're having struggle in relationships whether you're intimate relationship or relationships at work with your boss with coworkers with employees then that's a really big sign that you have trouble in at least one of these four pillars if not all of them so let's talk about that so here's a list of the things that EQ is controlling or is tied to these are some of the effects of EQ firstly is anger management are you able to manage your anger well if you are then you have high EQ if you're not then you have low EQ probably because well you're failing on those first two pillars you're not very conscious about it about your feelings and secondly you're not able to control them very well so that's an example right there next is accountability how much accountability are you able to take on yourself rather than blaming other people that's connected to EQ how about honesty and trust that one is connected tq2 how honest are you with yourself but then also how honest are you able to be in social situations without having to be pressured into into line or telling white lies or being distrustful of people so honesty and trust are big and those are really tied to EQ you've also got assertiveness and confidence these are big if you're lacking in assertiveness and you're lacking in confidence then you're also lacking in emotional intelligence communication how good of a communicator are you can you communicate in your intimate relationship how about communicating at work if you're not able to communicate effectively that shows a lack of emotional intelligence how about stress tolerance are you always stressed are you frantic are you anxious thinking negative thoughts always judging yourself feeling guilty well that is a sign that you don't have very strong emotional intelligence you're faltering on one of those four pillars how about decision making how strong are you of a decision-maker do you find yourself waffling all the time making a decision then going back and going forward and going back and going forward or not being able to decide between two things for a long time procrastinating this is a sign of low emotional intelligence how about flexibility how flexible are you do you flow with life are you able to handle the challenge in the situation that are coming up with life or are you very rigid and set in your ways and everything is bumping into you and causing all sorts of pain and suffering that's a sign of low EQ how about presentation skills probably more related to work how well you able to give a presentation to speak to convince people to motivate people to inspire people especially if your manager this is very very applicable and good managers must have high EQ to be able to influence their employees in a you know effective way also the next point is listening skills how about listening skills how good of a listener are you are you able to really listen to what people are telling you are able to understand it to really empathize with it and are you able to then show them reflect back to them that you did understand do people think that you're a good listener or do people think that you're a poreless well if you're a poor listener then that's tied to low EQ so that is the list and I'm sure there's more these are just some of the most obvious ways in which EQ connects to your life in all these different areas but of course it relates to your intimate relationships very much it also relates to how you're doing at work how you're talking to clients all of that it also relates very much to how peaceful and happy you feel just inside by yourself because if you're always frantic and you're always sad or depressed we're having any of these kinds of negative emotions you're angry all the time you're guilty this shows a lack of emotional intelligence because you're not recognizing them in yourself first and foremost but then you also don't have tools and strategies for how to manage them and then you're you're expressing them and then it's also impacting your relationships out in the real world so it affects you and it affects the world so that's you can you can see how powerful this idea is and how many aspects of your life it affects it literally the tentacles from EQ literally spread into almost every single aspect of your life this is why this idea is so so so important so now we know what EQ is we really defined it I think you have a good strong sense of how it relates to your life with all these examples the question now is how do you go about developing it or even can you develop it what can you do about this what if you happen to be low in one of these areas what if you don't really have a strong sense of your emotions what if you don't have good control what if you can empathize what if you are a bad communicator or bad in relationships how do you manage that well the good news is that more so than IQ EQ is highly developable that means you can develop it you can work on it it takes time it doesn't happen overnight it's not a week-long process it will take you months to do this but you can work in pinpointed ways on those exact deficiencies that you have in each one of these four pillars you can do things to retrain your mind to think in new ways to make new distinctions to understand new thing and to put new communication skills into place so that these things are brought up to to the maximum and that's work that you can do I actually do a lot of that work through coaching a lot of the videos that I share with you guys although I don't explicitly say that this is about EQ or emotional intelligence ultimately this is what actualize that org is about we're helping you understand emotions we'll help you understand your psychology and psychology is very emotion Laden and then we're helping you understand how to master them through all these different techniques so for example something like meditation or something like journaling could be a technique that you can use to reduce your stress or to build more understanding of your emotions something like coaching is something you can use to understand your emotions better reading books and understand about this stuff can help you understand your emotions better then going out there actually practicing some of this stuff so there's a lot of different like practical techniques that you can use and you should use to actually go out and work on each one of these pillars I don't really have time to go into them it's such a deep topic there's literally hundreds of them so I can't cover them all I'm going to have other videos that cover how to work probably on each one of these pillars and share more of these techniques with you but this video the purpose was just to show you that this is out there get you to start to understand that emotional intelligence is important and then hopefully give you a sense of this is something that you should care about and you should probably have a sense right now whether you are lacking in one of these four pillars or in all of them do you think you have low EQ or high EQ well now you probably now have a better sense although you can go out there to actually get it tested objectively through some of these surveys that they have in books and online which I highly encourage you to do but ultimately now you've got a sense of this and now get a little bit more body in to this idea that emotions are important self-control is important it's all connected to your success in life alright this is Leo I would be signing off this is what I have to say about EQ go ahead leave me your comments please like this and share this I want to spread the message and of course check out actualized org because we have an awesome newsletter there that I want you to subscribe to it's free free weekly updates with new video articles other goodies and really you want to be signing up because you're getting you're getting more information about how to develop self-awareness how to interact with the people how to understand your psychology and the psychology of others because once you understand yours and the psychology of others and you have some techniques for how to manage your psychology well then everything starts clicking for you and your eye your EQ raises and then you can accomplish amazing things so sign up we got some free bonuses there and new updates every week you